


Loki

by roman_numeral



Series: Loki's Self Discovery [1]
Category: Marvel, Thor (2011), Thor (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-05
Updated: 2012-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-11 11:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/477915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roman_numeral/pseuds/roman_numeral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Father has fallen into Odin sleep, Mother fears he’ll never waken. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now. The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile," Loki says truthfully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki

**Author's Note:**

> This series isn’t really about the relationship between Thor and Jane, I just listed them first because their relationship will be shown before Loki and Sigyn get together. This is mostly as the title of the series states, about Loki finding out where he belongs and trying to be comfortable in his own skin and place. It’s mostly Loki-centered, but Thor is also going to be shown quite a bit (I think). 
> 
> Author’s Note #2: I basically just wrote this during work, I have no beta, so feel free to point out any mistakes, and feel free to leave a review/comment. I tried to keep up with the ‘Asgardian type of speech’ but I’m not very good at it
> 
> #3: Sorry to bother, but does anyone know of a good Livejournal community where I can post this fic? Thanks in advance for your help.

        

________

 

           The Asgardian visits him again. He is fearless, walking into a cavern full of Jotuns who would like to destroy him, but the king has spoken. Laufey doesn’t want this prince hurt. Jotunheim’s prince not Asgard’s.  Laufey looks at him closely, there’s bravado in him, but there’s also pain in his eyes. His shape shifting abilities are extraordinary, not one trace of Jotun on him. He is completely smooth skinned, peach colored; pale green eyes, and his hair- that is one thing Laufey does remember- his small child’s feathery black hair. Laufey longs to take the boy, the man, into his arms, hold him one more time and breath in his scent.

            “Welcome Prince Loki of Asgard. Or should I say Prince of Jotunheim?”

            Loki appears startled but he hides it quickly behind a mask of calmness. “So you know.”

            “I saw your hand turn blue, I did not miss your startled reaction and I thought back on the day Odin Allfather presented his second born son, right after the war with us. I thought you dead. I though you had run out the temple where you had been hidden for your safety and some animal had devoured you.”

            There’s silence. Loki doesn’t know what to say to the confession. In truth he hadn’t expected the cruel Jotunheim king to be so welcoming, to have such a valid explanation for his ‘abandonment’ at the temple where Odin found him and took him from, thinking he was saving a child’s life. So he ignores the sentimentality of being reunited with a father he didn’t know he had and goes for diplomacy. “I come in peace as Asgard’s King.”

            Laufey scoffs. “You are no Asgardian, you are Jotun, you belong here!”

            “I was raised in Asgard, I care for it and its people. Odin has done wrong to you, but he raised me as his son-“

            “He lied to you! Kept your true heritage from you!” Laufey’s voice is so deep it makes the cavern quake and some snow falls to the grown.

            Loki’s exasperated with the King’s emotions. He’s not here as a lost son reuniting with his father, he cannot allow himself to think that way. He has the weight of a crown upon him. “You are right, he lied. My life has been nothing but lies. But I care for Odin, I care for my family and the throne has fallen to me. Asgard is my responsibility and I will not fail it in its time of need. I do not want war with Jotunheim.”

            It pains and angers Laufey to see his son have so much loyalty towards a liar and a thief. Pains him to have missed his son grow up and become a fine man and sorcerer for he can feel his power, knows that Loki is a great magician.

            “I will speak plainly to you Loki, for I see the struggle within you. You have been hurt by your so called family, they have betrayed your trust, but you are strong and have risen above it. I admire that. If Thor or Odin were here before me, I would declare war. I would send what’s left of my warriors and destroy Asgard. But instead my son stands before me, protecting the very people who have lied to him.  I will have peace with you, for as long as you care for these Asgardians.”

            Loki can’t help but sigh in relief. He nods. “What are your terms?"

            “Thor remains in exile. That pompous princeling is worthless! He knows only how to destroy. I will not have him threatening Jotunheim.”

            Loki agrees to this easily. For he knows Thor would like nothing more than to destroy Jotunheim. Still it pains him, for he still considers Thor his brother, no matter how brute or self centered he is. He briefly wonders if Thor will still consider him his brother when he finds out Loki is none other than his enemies son, he doesn’t allow himself to dwell on that, he’s afraid of the answer. But he will prove himself a good son, step away from Thor’s shadow. Odin will see he is worthy of being called Loki Odinson.

            “And I want the Casket of Ancient Winters back.”

            “No.” Loki’s answer is firm and resounding against the walls of the cave.

            There’s silence all around and Loki thinks finally he will be attacked and the false welcome will be revealed.

            “You will let Jotunheim fall? It is in tatters, barely surviving.”

            “You seem to be doing quite well without it. Just a moment ago you said you would declare war if Odin stood before you, now you want the Casket. No.”

            Laufey smiles. “You make a good king,” he says proudly, “cunning.” Laufey looks at those around him. Warriors and counsel men who’ve lasted long, who are weary. “A boon then. I ask but for a small shard of it. To give my people hope that Jotunheim isn’t lost to the wasteland.”

            Loki looks hard at Laufey, he sees no deceit, but one can never be too sure. He looks around at the other Frost Giants, they stand proudly, head held high, but Loki looks beyond their proud stance and cold eyes. At the corners of their eyes he can see weariness, their mouths are set grimly, as if they can barely continue going. And Loki cannot deny he wants to know, to see what glory Jotunheim is capable of.

            “A shard? How is that done?”

            “Open the Casket, the blue ice is safely kept within it. Take a weapon of any sort and strike it. Take a shard quickly for it reforms fast.”

            “Anything else?”

            “Yes. These conditions will only last as far as you are king. Once Odin awakens I will have words with the thief, and maybe war with him as well.”

            “I will return in three days time.”

 

            Loki returns to Asgard. He wants to be happy that there will be no war, but he’s not sure of his decisions, he wonders if Odin would approve. So he takes counsel with his mother.

            Frigga can see the doubts in her son and she curses Odin for never paying Loki the same attention he did with Thor. She comforts him when he doubts her love for him but when it comes to him being a king she is firm.

            “You are stronger than you think, stronger than Odin knows. I know you want what’s best of Asgard. I know you will make the right choices. Do as you believe is best.”

 

            The Casket is a trick to open. There is a puzzle on its side, the lines must be touching to form a swirling pattern. Loki moves the little pieces and when the lines are right, the Casket glows a dark blue and it opens for him. Inside is a glowing block of ice, Loki strikes it with a sword, and nothing happens. He strikes it again harder this time and it breaks into many pieces, some big some small. Loki takes one that’s that size of his hand and watches as the cracks disappear and a block of ice is reformed, a little smaller this time. The ice is cold in his hand and he hates that it’s turning him blue. He places it in a metal container, which is quickly covered in ice.

            He delivers the ice piece to Laufey who takes it with great eagerness.

            “Would you like to meet your true family?” Laufey asks as he passes the container to another Frost Giant. “He is your brother, Helblindi. You are but two years apart.”

            Loki looks at the giant. He feels nothing for him, isn’t even curious about him, his brother is Thor. The Jotun standing before him is just a stranger. “I must go.”

 

            Loki is officially coronated when the moon is high up in the sky, for he feels the night is more appropriate than the day. The day belonged to Thor, with all his golden glory, the darkness belongs to Loki, he feels safer in it.

            It is not a grand spectacle. The Allfather is in Odin sleep, Thor is banished, the crown is only his because there is no other and the people whisper it eagerly. They doubt his ability to rule. ‘ _He has no wisdom,’_ they whisper, ‘ _he is Loki the Mischief Maker, silver tongued.’ ‘Were that Thor were here, to save us.’_

Loki makes sure to remember face and name to those who whisper against them. Chief amongst them Sif and her accusing eyes. The crown is heavy on his head, not only does it have his customary horns but also silver wings to represent the Allfather.

 

            Loki visits Thor when he can. He has been so busy with diplomacy and peace, and Asgards citizens, and he longs to see his brother.

            He finds his brother in a small room, where outside there are men in suits. Loki spots the hammer only some feet away from Thor and laughs. Odin can be so cruel at times, what a taunt it must be for Thor.

            “Brother,” Thor seems genuinely happy to see him. “Can I come home?”

            Thor is a mess, cuts and bruises on his face. Loki wants to stretch his arms and erase the marks on his brother but it would make the people outside the room suspicious.

            “Father has fallen into Odin sleep, Mother fears he’ll never waken. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now. The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile.” Loki tells him all this in bits and pieces and each sentence makes Thor’s face fall even more into despair.

            Loki cannot help but be glad. Thor was always so sure of himself, so arrogant, greedy when it came to glory, Loki is happy to see him broken.

            “Thank you for coming.” Thor says as tears fall down his face.

            “Goodbye, Thor.” He is both happy and sad to say those words.

 

            As the months go by the unease of Asgards citizens lessens. War is not declared; the Frost Giants do not break their truce and attack them. All is well. The whisperings change from unfavorable to good. They are all impressed by Loki’s level head where politics are concerned. Still the absence of Thor is felt. Loki loathes the songs that are constructed for his brother. The people sing of his adventures and his golden hair, his strength, and his unfair banishment. Loki scoffs at it all and keeps himself from cutting peoples’ tongues out.

            Sif’s rebelliousness doesn’t lesson, and breaking her Kings’s law and her own vows she goes to Earth in search for Thor.

            Loki watches from the throne as Sif implores Thor to return. But Thor is powerless, there is nothing he can do. And Loki is surprised when Thor admits he doesn’t desire to cause a war between Asgard and Jotunheim with his return.  Sif returns sullenly, but when she next bows to her king she does so less stiffly and with less contempt in her eyes, Loki mentally cancels his plans to shave off her golden hair.

 

            All is well with Asgard, all is peaceful. Loki feels strong and calm enough to go to Jotunheim and see how the Frost Giants fare with the small piece of ice Loki gave them.

            As always his mother requests he take his guards with him.

            “I am capable of taking care of myself,” Loki says. “Do not think me weak mother.”

            “I know you are far from weak, I just,” he hears the doubt in her voice.

            “What is it?” He turns to her, his green eyes on her fair blue ones.

            “You are my son, Loki, mine. I will not have anyone steal your love for your real family!” There is love and fear in her eyes.

            Loki sets Gungnir to the side, and takes his mother in his arms. “Nothing will ever make my love for you diminish.” It’s the truth he will always love her. Never did she look at him with disappointment, she never made him feel worthless. “I love you, mother.”

 

            He sees the difference in Jotunheim instantly, feels it as well. The ice is no longer dark as if rotten or putrid but instead it’s white and blue with a wondrous shimmer to it. The harsh biting wind is gone, replaced instead with a gentle cold breeze that Loki finds comforting. Far away from where he landed, Loki can see construction going on. He walks slowly towards it, enjoying the cold and the wonderful sights of enormous mountains and high peaks covered in snow. When he is close enough he can make out the beginnings of a castle being made out of ice bricks.

            “Loki, you grace us with your presence.” It’s Helblindi and there is mockery in his tone.

            Loki hates that he has to look up to anyone. He turns his green eyes to his brother. “Looks like this place could use some grace.”

            Laufey appears before Helblindi can say anything else. “Loki, I’m glad you are here. See the greatness we have accomplished with your small token of peace.”

            “I see you have accomplished much. I am impressed. I thought the Casket of Ancient Winters a tool for destruction, I see it can also be used to build.”

            “Yes, when used accordingly, and not for war.”

            Laufey shows him Jotunheim, the beauty of it. A river full of sharp ice runs wildly, there are herds of giant wild buffalos with the long horns encrusted with ice. The trees grow wild, but they are not made of bark and leaves as in Asgard. No, the bark is blue ice and the leaves are white snow. Loki finds it beautiful.

            Loki shivers.

            “Your Jotun form would not shiver at these cold conditions.” Laufey says.

            Loki ignores it. “You have done well with the small piece I gave you.”

            “Yes, and we would do greater still if we had the entire Casket. But something is better than nothing I suppose. A king must humble himself and accept whatever he can for the good of his people. There is a semblance of a balance now,” he continues, “It can’t reach all of Jotunheim but I will turn this place into a city, and people will come and populate it.”

            Loki turns to the Jotun king. He wonders if he looks like him, if he were to allow himself to change into his Jotun form. “Why do I have hair and why am I… smaller?” Those two questions have been in Loki’s mind since he found out the truth. Why is he so different?

            “I was beginning to think you cared not for your differences. You are so because of your mother. She was no Frost Giant, she was a dark elf, no one of political importance. She was beautiful. In the form you are now, you have her eyes and her black hair.”

            “Where is she now?”

            “She died during childbirth, it was she who named you Loki.”

            Loki doesn't stay long after that. He feels weak at the revelations, he is half Jotun and half elf and he looks like his mother.

 

            All through dinner, Loki cast glances at Frigga. He looks nothing like her. She is blue eyed with light brown hair. He thinks of Odin and Thor.  They all have blue eyes, he has green. They are all fair haired and he black haired. Why hadn’t he seen it before, was he so blind!

            Loki feels a new rage surfacing for all the blatant lies he had been feed by the people he most loved and cared for. And he had believed every single lie for so long!

            “What’s on your mind Loki?” Frigga asks gently.

            “Nothing, mother.” Loki couldn’t help but wonder if his blood mother would be proud of him or if she would be angry and resentful at him for denying his true heritage, for staying with the liars.  

 

           A few more months later, Odin Allfather wakes. Loki doesn’t know if he should be relieved the weight of the crown is no longer his or frightened by what’s to come.                                      

 

 


End file.
